Sunday, May 2, 2010

Only You...

i'm up early on this sunday, but that only means that i haven't slept all night once again. i've skipped a few days, like usual, so to try and break that habit, here's a post!!! uh... yeah... where do i start??? i have no idea really. this weekend has been okay i guess. not too bad, but nothing that's explosion exciting. the oklahoma thunder lost friday night which was upsetting again, but hey, they tried their best and they really REALLY gave the lakers a hard time. there is always next year and i think we will take it then. yesterday i awoke in the afternoon, a usual routine, and got cleaned up and dressed and then went to norman with the parentals. i got to witness for the first time in my life, the jr miss and regular miss indian oklahoma. wow...

some things have been happening to me recently which has made my mind and soul wander around, trying to figure out what it all meant, or means. i'm an expert at over analyzing matters that probably seem trivial or not even worth mentioning, so there you have it. anyway, after several texts and one phone call, it's come to my attention that i really don't have my emotions under control as well as i thought. this comes as a real hard blow to the chest and brain and head and heart and stomach and hands and feet and eyes and ears and feet and legs and arms and thighs and nose and soul... my body wants to curl up and hide away like a roly poly under a dark rock. i spent the night playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 to change the subject and get me thinkin' on how to make better kills and what my next weapon load out should be. it didn't do that much to change the tide...

after almost six hours of non-stop playing, i quit and laid on my bed thinking once again. after some time had passed i checked a random google site on my playstation on dealing with some "issues" i had been pondering on for the better part of the past year or so. there was some solid advice i probably could have gotten from a pan handler, but anyway, it said something to the point like, "do something that you use to do that made you happy, or try out new things, or even go somewhere and explore!!!" here's what i did. i took my ipod and put on some LCD Soundsystem, Chocolate Kiss, Sonic Youth and Jeff Buckley. during each artists selection of songs i chose, i pretended to be the actual band playing in front of an audience. i stood in front of my television and sang the words and did air guitar. yeah, i definitely looked like a total dork, but this made me feel good and it got me sweaty and tired. after all was done, i couldn't go to sleep because it was almost six in the morning and if i tried to sleep then i wouldn't wake up until midnight!!!

i put in a movie to remind me of some things. the movie was, 500 Days of Summer. i already said this before, but dang... this movie really REALLY connects with me. there are so many parts in this movie that i can relate to almost perfectly. it's actually pretty freaky how closely the story and characters are tied together on ideas and facts that also make up some of my life. this is almost down to a T. i'm not going to explain all these parallels because that would take away from it for me and besides i think i might have done that already on an older post.

and so i finally come to this point now. after a quick bible reading, i'm here writing this long dialogue on how i feel. just to mention, there was one piece of advice from that google site that, i believe, is worth mentioning. it said for someone who is hurting to write down their feelings. make lists of the good points and bad points. (not here, no way!!! that's private...) write down something that will make you reflect and possibly get better from. i guess that's what i'm doing here. i'm a college graduate with a bfa in creative writing. one of my goals in life is to write a novel. this blog has been my source of out pour for almost an entire year. it's my escape from the world and yeah, i'm sure millions upon millions of people do the same thing. i'm not trying to win awards here or out goth all the goth kids or out emo all the emo kids. naw, this is just my blog and i occasionally like to post something in it that seems worth the effort.

and for some of that effort, i'm sorry to take so long but anyway, here's Portishead.

this is another trip-hop act that has stood the test of time. along with their contemporaries, Massive Attack, Tricky, Sneeker Pimps, Bowery Electric and Morcheeba, portishead are always considered to be one of, if not, the best of the bunch. trip-hop was a 90's phenomenon, and some might think it has had it's time, but hey, emo is still here and dance music has evolved into all sorts of spastic efforts, so why not trip-hop???

portishead is a three piece group from bristol, england led by lead singer, beth gibbons, with geoff barrow and adrian utley taking the rest of the space. the group started in 1991 and kept going until they went on hiatus in 1999. since most artists who say they are going on "hiatus" never get back together, portishead surprised everyone in 2005 when they appeared and began work on new material. this would all bear fruit and lead to their eventual 2008 album.

this music might seem a bit gloomy for a sunday, but i had meant to post this on friday, so i'm a bit off schedule right now. just bear with me okay??? so, our first album today is called, Dummy. this placed at number 419 on the Rollingstone Top 500 Greatest Album Ever Made issue and i don't disagree with them on that. it's an amazing piece of work and it's something that defined the trip-hop genre. second is their self titled effort and with it came a change in style. the music wasn't as bleak and dark. instead there was a more mellow and lush sound. the groups experimentation with electronics proved to be an awesome effort. and last we have that 2008 album simply titled, Third. this was a polarizing album for sure since sssssooooooo many people were waiting for it's inevitable release. going along with their changing desires and the changing of times, (heh!!!) we have an album that's very radical and unique. their wasn't anything to compare it to that year. it took me by surprise and i had a hard battle when listening to it. it's cool and yet depressing. awesome and yet turtle mellow slow. yeah, so take my words with a large grain of salt, but don't let any of this grammatical fluffy hoop-a-joob fool ya. i really want you all to give this group a listen. they only have three albums and that's not a lot, so give in and try it.

We suffer everyday, what is it for
These crimes of illusion, are fooling us all
And now I am weary and I feel like I do

It's only you, who can tell me apart
And it's only you, who can turn my wooden heart

The size of our fight, it's just a dream
We've crushed everything I can see, in this morning selfishly
How we've failed and I feel like I do

It's only you, who can tell me apart
And it's only you, who can turn my wooden heart

Now that we've chosen to take all we can
This shade of autumn, a stale bitter end
Years of frustration lay down side by side

And it's only you, who can tell me apart
And it's only you, who can turn my wooden heart

It's only you, who can tell me apart
And it's only you, who can turn my wooden heart

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