A Wolf At The Door...: Don't Read This...

Friday, December 10, 2010

Don't Read This...

my thinking process is stopped by my unending sense of tiredness. right now, i can’t think of much to write, except for what is coming out of my head at the moment. heck, i can’t even think of the music i want to post on. you know, honesty is the best policy, so here at, A Wolf At the Door, i stand by that phrase and try my best to be as truthful as i can be. the days drag on, and when they seem to be at their slowest, i tend to think of the past. like a lot of people, the past is not something i have forgotten easily. i sometimes envy those who can let it all go. (envy isn’t a good thing…)

so, what is it that i think about from my past that makes the day feel a bit more worse??? well, i don’t want to say worse, just a little sadder. thoughts about my ex-girlfriend are usually the first to come to mind. there is only one girl who has stolen my heart, and she is out there somewhere. most likely in the south west. i met her in college and that point in my life was a dramatic change. man, just sitting here thinking about writing this is making my eyes roll. i’m just one of the billions out there who have written similar things. still, those people aren’t me and they never loved this girl like i did/do. my parents are tired of me mentioning the past, and i’m not getting any support elsewhere, so this blog happens to be my emotional outlet. as i mentioned in my very first post, this blog is meant to be my own personal account of life, intermixed with music that matters.

ex-girlfriend woes aren’t the only thing that creeps up, oh no!!! there’s also my abstract lifestyle of constant depression and anxiety. oh yeah, the subject that NOBODY cares to talk about. having to make life changes based around something that i really have no control over is frustrating to do. i pop medication and see therapists, but it doesn’t really help much. (at least i don’t think it does…) i’m left with the sinking knowledge that i will have to live with this the rest of my life, but according to those sources who are supposedly there to help me, i can “deal” with it by other outlets.

truth be told, i always knew there was something wrong with me. growing up, i have always felt alone and sad. (OMG what an emo thing to say ya pansy!!!) oh yes, tis true i say, for you see, my life has been one of hurt and pain. why don’t i count my blessings??? i’m still alive aren’t i??? well, that’s easy to say, but ask yourself that same question once you have passed the thin line between life and death…

oh boy, i can tell this post isn’t going to be a memorable one. is there a way for me to rectify this and make it a bit better??? going back to those past thoughts, are there any that make me happy??? happy thoughts about my ex perhaps??? i don’t know if she ever reads this, (we haven’t had contact in quite some time…) but one of my best memories of her was the time we spent here in oklahoma. i’m not going into details, but i have some images that flash before my eyes. the OU powwow, eating braums ice cream, watching The Fifth Element, playing with my dog chewbacca, goofing off at wal-mart, seeing the cows along the road as we drove back-and-forth from school, and lastly, spending that wonderful moment on indian hills road…

where is my life taking me now??? i have a good job and might be in the process of moving out soon, but do those things really matter??? what’s the point to it all when you are dreadfully lonely??? i guess this is why music can mean so much to people. it means a lot to me of course, what, with me dealing with issues and needing a constant escape. the few minutes, or hours, that music brings to someone can matter more than what a lifetime can accomplish. oh, and moments can be fleeting, but that’s why we have the opportunity to replay it again. (ugh, my metaphors are tired out and depleted, just like my ipod…)

*please take note that this is a post written by a manic depressive…*

okay, so after a few minutes of staring blankly at the computer screen before me, i’ve finally chosen the right artist to mention today. (my whole attitude has changed from the above ramblings…) once again, we take a trip down indie 101 lane, and end up with the classic band, R.E.M.

r.e.m., which stands for “rapid eye movement” is one of college rock’s most important groups. when people mention college rock, or independent music in general, these guys should always come up. it’s standard practice to name drop r.e.m., and with that, we delve into the realm of their history here. first off, the band, who are from athens, georgia, started in 1980, and had the following members: michael stipe, lead vocals, peter buck, lead guitar, mike mills, bass, and bill berry, drums. this is the original lineup and they made many classic albums in the alternative genre. they rose to acclaim on college radio stations with their debut ep, Chronic Town. after this they started making their full length albums, many of which have been nominated for various awards such as grammy’s and whatever mxtxvx spews out these days. in short, if it wasn’t for a band such as r.e.m., we wouldn’t have much good music today. yeah, i said it!!! so, if you happen to dig bands like, Guided By Voices, Dinosaur Jr., Pavement, Sebadoh, The Replacements, 10,000 Maniacs, Superchunk, My Bloody Valentine, Nirvana, Jane’s Addiction and countless others, r.e.m. should fit into your listening schedule.

now for the music, what you will find is about half their discography, which consists of my personal faves. seriously, i love all these recordings, so any one of them is a good starting place. in first position is the already mentioned ep, Chronic Town. after that i their amazing first full length, Murmur. following in pursuit are the albums, Reckoning, Fables of Reconstruction and Life's Rich Pageant. next in line is the album that really blew them up called, Document. and to wrap this up. three more albums i really love which are, Green, Out of Time and Automatic For the People. rolling stone has three of these listed in its top 500 Greatest Albums Ever Made issue. try guessing which one's eh??? heh heh heh, dig it then...