remember my last post concerning my family Christmas??? how i always get nervous and anxious??? this year was exactly that. it got so bad i ended up getting sick and lost a good dinner. disfunctional can't even begin to describe the tension between us all. why oh why can't things be happy and peaceful??? at least the children seemed to enjoy themselves. my two little cousins we're all smiles when i visited on Christmas day. my sweet brother was happy too. seeing all these children be happy was a nice feeling and they all deserve that. i wish it was like that for them everday, but it isn't. there are things keeping them from enjoyment and it hurts me too see it. to see that for any child is tough. it reminds me of my childhood and brings back bad memories...
still, Christmas isn't about certain things, but about one thing, and that one thing is God. i never much cared about the real meaning of Christmas until these past few years as a more mature adult. (as mature as i can be i suppose...) i take my time and observe everything and everyone. i'm left with the feeling of just me and the Lord. i have to pray much harder these days because its becoming worse and worse. Christmas is supposed to be the most peaceful time, and peace doesn't seem to come without war. but then again, nothing is past God's power, so that's why i keep praying.
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